Hoardings have appeared in pastures like spring mushrooms, spending promises and dirty politics fill the air, politicians are making their three-yearly visit to our door to say they are listening instead of saying we should listen – it must be election time!
Not to be denied a soapbox, the Oily Rag community has been out on the hustings, meeting and greeting in supermarket isles, smiling much while saying little, seeing every infant with a runny nose as a photo opportunity rather than a health risk, and generally encouraging people to give that all important tick of approval to the oily rag cause. Our party message is“Happiness through frugality – a better way for New Zealand”.
Our workers have even gone as far as publishing the “Living off the Smell of an Oily Rag Party Manifesto – what our country needs in these desperate and dirty times”.
But before looking at some extracts from that policy document, here’s a statement from our leader. “An Oily Rag lifestyle is what it means to be a kiwi at heart. It’s about being a proud and happy husband, wife, partner, father, mother or caregiver so you can look forward to a secure and prosperous future for your children and their children and the children of others – if you don’t happen to have any. It’s about having a warm house we can call a happy home, where you are the master of your money. That’s our hope, that’s our vision for all New Zealanders – a nation of many peoples united by a single cause: Frugality. And that’s why you should cast a vote for the Living off the Smell of an Oily Rag Party on 20 September.”
Here are some of our key election policies.
• Cut lunches for all – it’s guaranteed to save you heaps.
GST on fruit and vegetables
• The Oily Rag Party believes families should not be paying GST on their vegetables because they should not be buying vegetables – they should be growing their own! Why complain about the high price of tomatoes or spuds, parsnips or carrots, leeks or silver beet when growing your own is so easy and much cheaper. “Every house is not a home without a garden” say we.
• We have a ‘waste not, want not’ policy, and that means anything that would usually go to the tip gets a second life. How many times have your heard an oily ragger say, “Thank goodness I did not toss that out”. We have strong policies in this area and when the Oily Rag Party is elected to power on 20 September it will make it unlawful to throw out a piece of paper if one side is unused!
• Reduce your speed and save money. Slowing down from 110 km to 100 km will result in a 15% fuel saving, and you will avoid speeding tickets! Maniac type driving not only costs money it aggravates everyone, endangers yourself, your passengers and other voters. Our other policy is to take the dog for a walk instead of a ride in the car.
• Use half as much and get the product at half price! – an old oily rag saying (which we made up just now! … oily rag ed).
• Any debt is a bad debt. It takes five minutes to get into debt, and a lifetime to get out if it.
• Cheap is good but free is better.
• Working for a charity is better than not working at all.
• Every Kiwi should save – and could if they lived off the smell of an oily rag. As Samuel Johnson is said to have said, “Without frugality none can be rich, and with it very few would be poor.” ‘Rich’ may be taking things a bit far, just having no money worries is a good oily rag aim.
The retirement age
• Any age is a good age to retire, and many would do so sooner if they lived off the smell of an oily rag.
And now, a concluding remark from our Leader: “Remember, your future is you. Be a proud oily rag Kiwi – vote for a better future by voting for the Oily Rag Party on Election Day” !
Don’t forget to send your money-saving tips to us so we can share them with others.